Weighing In

So, here’s the thing.  I’ve been exercising regularly now for a little over three weeks.  Yes, it’s true.  I got off my ass.  Thanks to a dear friend of mine. She inspires me.  In fact, she has inspired many of us at work now.  We are like…I don’t know…we need a team name…and a t-shirt.  We’re running in a 10K in April.  We rock.  I’m so thankful to them for helping me work towards a tighter rear end.

We all leave our cubicles or test labs mid-day and meet up at the gym.  There’s this tiny little dressing room where we share stories of how sore we are, what crazy thing our kids did the night before, how to prevent blisters and from peeing in our pants while doing jumping jacks.  For an hour a day, there’s no stress from work or laundry that is piled up at home.  This is our time.  Our time to let it all go.

We are full time working women and Moms of different ages with similar schedules and routines.  Maybe we have different interests outside of this.  But what is so lovely about this group of women is that it doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t feel like competition.  It just feels good.  I wish I had a picture of us...one day.

Running…

I could lie and say it’s all about feeling good and being healthy and being a part of the group and not at all about body image, but that wouldn’t be true.  I’m not one to weigh myself or measure percent body fat, but I do look in the mirror just like everyone else and see the imperfections.  I think it’s human.  So, I’m not going to lie and act like I haven’t been trying to see a difference the last three or so weeks have made.  I do.  And if my appetite had not increased exponentially, I might have seen a difference by now.  But anyway, I guess I have a point here.  I finally weighed in.

I wish I could stop that way of thinking and just be 100% happy with how I look.  Is that possible?  Has anyone figured this out?  We can talk about it and preach it to our kids, but I’m still not sure if it is possible in this society we live in.  I guess that’s my point.

So, I guess we just need to recognize it.  Keep telling ourselves we don’t have to have it all and look the best.  That’s something else these girls have brought out in me.  There’s no such thing as a perfect life, body, family.  It just doesn’t exist, so why stress about it?

(She wanted to do this.  We cheered.)

So anyway…maybe we run to relieve stress (I’m telling you people, it really does).  Maybe we run for the camaraderie (I love these women).  Maybe we want to live long, happy lives (Who doesn’t?).  And maybe we also want to look good in a swimsuit this summer.  And maybe, it’s all of the above.  That’s just real.

Thanks ladies.  I feel my rear muscles when I walk.  I think it is actually shifting upward.  This is a good thing.

And now I need to work on my exponentially increased appetite.  I found these the other night in Kroger.  Yum!

And then my love sent Jesse in my bedroom with a bag in her hand saying, "I have a surprise for you Mommy!"



Oh dear goodness.





And this right here is why I exercise.  I ate this with so much joy and no guilt.



God Bless the Girl Scouts.

Take a picture

He just got his yellow belt in Jiu-Jitsu.  He's rockin' it.  God, I love his blonde, messy hair.

He also just started up Spring baseball.  Ahhhh, a familiar sport.  I have no idea what an arm bar is, but I sure know how to tell him to keep his eye on the ball and run like hell.  This comes natural.

He had practice today.  There is always a playground at practice that gives me a perfect upward perspective.  He always climbs to the top, and I am so glad.  There was sun, but the sky was gray.  That's ok.  I can work with that.

And this one right here.  She goes right along joyfully.  She gets upset when she is left behind.  She understands baseball and even Jiu-Jitsu.  She's supportive and cheerful...most of the time.

We sit in the dugout with our water and our snack.  We clap and cheer for Jonah.  Sometimes she plays with rocks...sometimes she plays with Dora.  Most of the time she wants to leave the boys and go to the playground.  "Just a minute Jesse" I say over and over.   

She's three.  She can rock a pony tail.  We are so glad.



And the faces of Jesse.







People are going to start talking about us.  Ah, who cares?

On her playground...finally.

That last shot brings tears to my eyes.  She's so perfect.  He's so perfect.  How did we create these two perfect human beings?  It's such a miracle.  And no, they are not perfect in reality, but a child is perfect to every parent.  We don't want to change a thing, and we wouldn't take a substitute.

Watched a movie with my love Saturday night when these angels were asleep.  Seabiscuit.  Have you seen it?  Not long after it started, I wanted to hit stop and run upstairs and cuddle with both of mine.   But, I gave it a chance.  I'm so glad I did.  It taught me something.  It taught me somethings.  Sometimes a parent's love for a child means giving that child up for something more than you could possibly give.  I get that now.  It's an ultimate love and the very hardest kind.

Also,

"You know, you don't throw a whole life away just 'cause he's banged up a little."

That's the other thing.  It's a very inspiring story.  I like inspiring stories.  I recommend it, even though the beginning will make you cry.  Hang in there.

Now I want a horse.  Heck, we live in Canton.  Anything is possible.

I love my family.  Have you figured that out yet?

And my love, God you make me the happiest woman on earth.

Jonah just watched the Last Airbender.  He came downstairs and told me this....

"Mama, I can do everything he can do except for the powers. I should have a black belt by now.  I'm a very special kid."

Oh, I know it Jonah.  You certainly are.  You both are.

Beautiful Day

Is that sunshine?  In February?













This would be her donut face.







Is it really Winter break?  Ok.  I'll take it!

Enjoy it.  Soak it in.  Have a beautiful day and a great weekend!

Just the way you look tonight.

I'm here to share this...



And this...



And this...



I'm not here to brag.

I'm just here because...

Some days...when I'm awfully low...when the world is cold...I will feel a glow...just thinking of them and the way they look, their laughs, their kisses, their "I missed you so much today(s)!"  His singing this song and Jonah's "NO!" and Jesse's starting to sing along.  All that stuff.  The good and the bad.  The sweetness and the chaos.

Oh, and because I love them.

Jesse

Three years ago you came into our lives and completed us.  We had no idea to what degree.  This last year your personality blossomed, and we fell even harder.  We all did.

Your eyes shine Jesse.  They are windows to a beautiful soul.



Oh, your cheeks.  They are something.  I don't ever want them to go away.



You are dreamy my sweet angel.  I can't tell you how many nights you asked me to go see the moon.  I've told you this many times.  You have so much depth already.



Your hair curls in humidity.  I love it.  I dream about it.



Sometimes when you look at me, I feel like you are looking into my soul.  Can you do that?



I can't figure out how to tell you how perfectly beautiful and wonderful you are inside and out.

You are irresistible.  Don't ever forget that.  Don't you ever let anyone tell you differently.

Thank you for wearing hats.  Thank you for loving accessories.  It's just the beginning isn't it?

And thank you for this.  I want to write a children's book about you and put this on the cover.  Oh, it's just perfect to me.



Angel sleeping.  Oh my sweet angel in your princess gown, with your pink, pony pacy and finally in your big girl bed...sometimes.



Reminding me how beautiful and wonderful and what a miracle you are on any regular old day.  You do that a lot.



It's like you are telling me to not ever worry.  Life is perfect and just how it should be.  Your eyes tell me that.  Did you know your eyes talked to me?

This year you really started making decisions for yourself....what pajamas you wanted to wear...what costume you wanted for Halloween.  You always got it right.  You are becoming you...I like what I'm seeing.

Happiness and joy surround you.  It's part of the package.  You, my Jesse girl, well...look out world.  She's here.

She's three.  She's spectacular.  

Please never stop gently touching my cheek as you drift to sleep.  

Oh God, the love of a child is so pure. And my love for you Jesse girl...it's pure too.  It's forever.  Is forever enough?  Cause I'm never, never giving you up.

Time Travel - The Beginning

It’s her day today.  I can’t give her a gift to unwrap or call her and wish her a Happy Birthday.  But, I can share with you and my angels some of the things that made her so special.

She was the Captain of her basketball team in high school.  So tall and beautiful and athletic.

I wish I could travel back in time and sit in the crowd and cheer for her.  I would give anything.  I would be so proud.  I would scream so loud that she would look my way.  She would do a double take at the blonde girl dressed in futuristic clothes screaming her name.  While I’m imagining things, I might as well imagine myself in Jimmy Choo shoes as well.

“Sandra, you rock!  WUU!  WUU!  WUU!”  "You like my shoes?"

She would look my way and smile and then continue kicking ass. 

That’s how I imagine it anyway. 

Then, I would get in my DeLorean and program the time and date to this moment.  I had to be 3…around Jesse’s age.  We were at Disney World.  We were on Tom Sawyer Island.

I would approach her.  I would comment on what a beautiful child she has (just to get her attention).  I would tell her she looks just like her.  She will say, “Thanks, nobody ever tells me that.”  And I will say, “Trust me, she does.  Everything but the hair.  You know, one day she will look at her reflection in the mirror just to remember your face.”  I will hug her and tell her how lucky that little girl is to have her.  I will start to cry and find it really hard to let go.  I will also ask her if she is pregnant.  Then, she will call security on me. 

I will run (in my Jimmy Choos) back to my DeLorean (after grabbing one of those Mickey Mouse ice creams, perhaps getting some of those monogrammed Mickey Mouse ears, and riding Space Mountain and Pirates of the Caribbean.)

I really like this DeLorean.  I really like to imagine flying in it.  It has been really awesome visiting Mama and pretending I have Jimmy Choos.  I just need to somehow generate the 1.21 gigawatts of electricity I need to do this again.

Marty McFly: Wait a minute, Doc.  Ah...Are you telling me that you built a time machine...out of a DeLorean? 

Dr. Emmett Brown:  The way I see it, if you're gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with some style.

I love how you can Google “Back to the Future quotes” and all this is just right at your fingertips.

I love that Mama saw and loved this movie too and would totally get this entire post.  She would laugh at me.

I love that I didn’t plan for this post to go this way and it did.

Oh my, I really am a nerd.  What is wrong with me?  My love is going to give me hell.

And on a serious note…February 4, 1950 was the day she came into this world and made it wonderful.  She left us 50 years later.  All that knew her miss her.

Why do I have this overwhelming feeling right now that she’s looking over my shoulder?  Ok Mama.  She was intelligent and beautiful and funny and the best Mama ever.  That good?  OK.  Love you too.

You really were and the kids will know.